My Own World

Remarkable

Loved, accepted for who you are. Turmoil which came undone. You welcomed me with open arms, offering guidance unbiased. Male or female, straight or gay, you amazed me with your open arms. This is my dad, who extended the same kindness he had given my brother. To me, he said, he hoped that if the time ever came that his advice I would need, in life and love, he would help guide me. Male or female, straight or gay, I’m still his son, and this meant the world to me.

Precious life, lived as expected. Change that might have been. You kept your expectations of me, regardless of who I am. Male or female, straight or gay, you amazed me with your belief in me. This is my mom, who never doubted she would have grandchildren by me. Born by blood or through adoption, acceptance was freely given and expected regardless of who I might love. Male or female, straight or gay, I’m still her son, and this meant the world to me.

Later

A promise made to set things straight. Swelling feelings held at bay for just a bit longer. Wait, wait, and the moment will come - then, right then, will I say the words I’ve always felt but never said. Words that you deserve for your heart. The goodness you show and the home that you are - the time will come when you will know just how much you have come to mean to me.

But this time never came, as the chance passed and the moment slipped away.

The words you’ve shared so often with myself - the chance to reply that I felt just the same. The opportunity passed as you slipped away. Time, this time, has escaped, and the moment never came.

Inspiration: JF Smith, “Latakia”

Remembering

A quick glance, a small smile - preludes to a chance meeting that turned from funny quips and charming remarks to the beginnings of something that would define our lifetime. The joke that broke the ice and the friends that we had in common make me grin even now, just thinking about it. My laugh that ended with a snort, the chagrin I fleetingly felt before you laughed as well - I remember them now, just like the walk we took away from all the noise. You talked, I listened, and you smiled as I replied. Our conversation flowed as easily as we took our steps down the path around the yard.

Did you know? When you fell behind as I rambled on, did you know when we talked that what we started then would still be alive today? Did you feel it, when I stumbled and you grabbed my hand, what you would still hold tight ten, fifteen years from that time? Did you see what I saw that night? The hope that flared when you brought me close, reflected in my eyes? We had just met and yet, you already knew.

The words we spoke back then - they were truer than we would have known. Walking away, you stopped and asked, “Will I ever see you again?” I answered without any doubt, “Yes, yes you will.”

Inspiration: Kim and Krickitt Carpenter, “The Vow”

Chances

On the road of life, possibilities open and close as surely as one lives and breathes. Love and loss, success and failure, memories that could define who and what you are. Turning, twisting, living - do we grasp at these chances or simply let them slip away? Rememberance of what once was or could be - change that might have been but was not; these are the milestones of regret that litter the road of life. But, just as these stumbles occur, so do those moments appear where you simply fly.

Fly above and beyond the path of life. Rise to soar above the twists of the road and ride on the winds of joy and glory on outstretched wings of your own making. What will you see when you look at the path you’ve taken? Memories of loss and regrets dotting the landscape of life’s road? Or a winding path carved into the open sky on the wings of celebration?

Inspiration: Andrew Grey, “Seven Days”

Foreboding

Moments come and go in our lives when events or occurrences trigger something within us that quake throughout our being. Soft murmurs of insecurity can easily give way to complete doubt just as a pebble could easily drift through a pond. Upon entry, the impact can be swift; explosive in a way that leaves no doubt that something is coming. At other times, this entry is smooth, leaving the surface fairly undisturbed as the waters shiver just barely in anticipation. Then the stone slowly descends, and this, no matter the way of entry, stays the same. It falls, deeper into the water and colder - unstoppable in its sinking before it lands with precise intent on the bottom.

A thud, echoing in the darkness, sends ripples in the soul that heralds change on the horizon - change that opens with a few simple words stating, “I need to tell you something.”

Sweetness

Those who know me best understand my nature: an incurable romantic, I swoon not over the overly-played out scenes, but the little gestures that are the building blocks of a memorable relationship. Sure enough, the bedroom is of course an important aspect of a connection, but the glances thrown when someone thinks the other isn’t looking or lingering just a few seconds longer where the other person just was heightens the experience of romance into something almost indescribable - a sweet moment to be remembered for a lifetime.

Take for example this single instance of a shared embrace between two people who have unresolved feelings between them. A simple hug to celebrate success transforms into an occasion remembered not for its inherent romance, but because of the longing made noticeable by each individual. With arms wrapped just loosely around one other, they close their eyes, savoring the rare occasion of a shared touch. Not knowing the other is doing the exact same thing, both linger for just a few seconds longer as their feelings slowly become more and more defined.

Inspiration: “Verbotene Liebe”, March 13, 2008

Refuge

A place of my own to throw whatever excess of random thoughts and fits of fancy I have into the vast depths of the internet? Doesn’t sound like a bad idea at all.